Pleasing others is an exhausting task because it comes at one very important cost: you.
There are those that recognize that they are a people pleaser, and those that don’t. Some are fine with it, but they don’t realize that there is a significant cost to being this way.
For some, it effects them, personally. They are hurt when their efforts are not acknowledged (although many claim that they really don’t need to be recognized, but secretly want to). They will go to great lengths to get the approval of others- even if it means devaluing themselves in order to get it. This is when it becomes sad.
For people pleasers, there is a high cost. Not only do they actively feed off of the approval and attention of others, but in their efforts they often wear themselves out. They place their value in others- not in how God sees them. Some of them will go out of their way to please family, friends, co-workers, bosses etc and completely ignore their family in the process.
They are off saving some person from a great travesty. They are making someone else happy… but no one at home feels very loved because the people pleaser isn’t making time for those that really matter. Your family is there for the long haul. These other relationships… most of them are there for a season. And no amount of people pleasing will get someone to like the real you. Furthermore, if your relationship hinges on what you do for them, is this a relationship you really want to have, anyway?
If your relationships hinge on someone else’s happiness, it’s really one-sided. You may find that when you really need them- when it’s your turn for a favour or encouragement- they can’t be found. You have to know that you are worth more than just to make others happy. At the end of the day, you have to like who you are.
Those whom God has placed in your life- the ones that do really matter-, their love is reciprocal. It’s not about how happy you make them, what favours you do, or how you help out. It’s about who you are, and it’s real.
Deanne Williams talks about how to tell if you are a people pleaser, and what consequences this has both personally, and on the family. She discusses what happens when the people pleaser elevates others over them, why people engage in this behaviour, and how to incorporate healthy boundaries over your life.
This feature will be available in our upcoming issue being released on our website, social media, push notifications, and email notifications on August 27, 2019.